Television

January 10, 2012February 22, 2018

I Spy: Carry Me Back to Old Tsing-Tao

Originally aired: September 29, 1965

After watching So Long Patrick Henry and A Cup of Kindness on YouTube, I purchased all three seasons of I Spy off the bat. Indeed, the season DVD sets were released just weeks after I “discovered” Robert Culp and I Spy. Previous DVD sets were “theme” sets based on location or whathaveyou. My timing couldn’t have been better.

So, once I got the sets I began to watch from the beginning, meaning I watched “Patrick Henry” and “Kindness” again, since the episodes were kinda chopped on YouTube. From there I carried on with “Carry Me Back to Tsing-Tao.”

The episode opens with Kelly charming a lovely lady at a Hong Kong bar until he’s rudely interrupted by a drunken sailor. The interruption turns into an offense and the two men have to take their differences to the back alley to be settled. Turns out, the sailor is a spy like Kelly and he has information for an assignment for him.

It seems Charlie Huan aka “Papa Charlie” (Philip Ahn) wants to meet with Kelly and Scotty the following day (which is gonna put a crimp on Kelly’s plans with the lovely lady he’s been trying to woo for about a week). Kelly’s familiar with the name, as Mr. Huan ran a lot of not-necessarily-legal stuff on the West Coast of the US. Mr. Huan also knows that Kelly and Scotty are undercover agents.

After getting the information, and being told that the sailor can’t do the meeting because he’s not “one of you cute, glamour boys” the two men realize that one of them has to come out of the alley looking like a loser.

It’s not the glamour boy. Heh…

The next day, Kelly and Scott go to see Papa Charlie, who’s in the middle of his birthday celebration with his daughters and sons-in-law. The sons-in-law, Turkey (David Sheiner), Harold (Bernard Fox) and Morton (Michael Conrad) express an abundance of love and appreciation for Papa Charlie and it’s only for one reason; Papa Charlie is very rich and the three men want his money.

Papa Charlie excuses himself from the festivities to see to Kelly and Scotty (and let me say that Culp looks very dapper in the wine colored jacket and ascot tie). He takes them out of the big house to his quarters, a smaller more modest building on the grounds. Just before getting there he asks for them to follow him single file through the grass and to be careful of “poison ivy.”

In his quarters, he tells them his situation. He wishes to return to his native village in Formosa (AKA Taiwan) to live out the last few years of his life. However, he owes quite a bit in back taxes to the US government and as such, Formosa, by request of the US, will not grant Charlie a visa. He has discussed the issue with the US government and has agreed to pay $1 million to settle his debt. Once paid, he will be granted his visa.

Before Charlie can give them the money, Kelly and Scotty tell him they need to check with the government first and get instructions. Charlie tells them to do it quickly and warns them about his three sons-in-law how they’re after his money and if they found out what he was up to, they would be very dangerous.

Kelly and Scotty receive a cable back from the US government indicating the offer is acceptable and warns that the three men in question have criminal records. They should use “extreme caution.” Scotty’s not so bothered by extreme caution. He’s wondering where Charlie has all that money hidden!

When Kelly and Scott get back to their hotel room they’re jumped by Turkey, Harold and Mort. (I still can’t get over the fact that one of these guys is named Turkey!). The boys are roughed up a bit and when Kelly wakes up he’s staring straight into the barrel of Harold’s gun. The three men want to know why the two went to see Papa Charlie.

They don’t like Kelly’s first answer about a shark fin and a recipe for soup. Turkey slaps Kelly for that. Scotty tells them he only came along to listen to some old Fats Waller records. He gets a punch from Turkey for that.

Finally they come out and say they were talking a deal for something and were “dickering over a price.” Kelly tosses the explanation to Scotty who, not missing a beat, starts in about that they were con men and had found a piece of land to use in a deal and had asked Charlie if he would finance it for them. (I love the change in Culp’s expression as Scotty’s spinning his yarn. Heh!) Scotty and Kelly also say that Charlie agreed and that they saw his bank book.

Harold tells them that Charlie doesn’t have a bank account in any Hong Kong bank (they’d checked). Before Scotty and Kelly can get roughed up any further, one of Charlie’s daughters – Catherine – suddenly comes into the room and slaps Turkey. Scotty tells her to do it again. She does. She then tosses the three men out of the room.

Kelly and Scott are more than grateful. Kelly even tries to charm Catherine but doesn’t get far. When he tells her that he hurts pretty much all over, she has just the remedy for him: Chicken soup. (Not what he had in mind!)

When Catherine takes them to see Charlie, they find out why they have to walk single file through the grass. The whole area has been mined with anti-personnel mines.

They tell Charlie that the government accepts the deal. He then reveals to them his $1 million…a solid gold stove. They load the stove into an old truck and off they go to deliver it to the IRS.

I love the conversation Kelly and Scott have as they drive, talking about a few pounds of the stove for themselves (gold going for about $60 an ounce, black market. Gold prices at the time of this post is around $1600 per ounce. “A couple of one way tickets to Tahiti would hardly put a dent in it!”). Of course, they don’t do this knowing that if they did, they would lose their jobs and probably any sense of self-respect. (And medical benefits – who doesn’t love plaster of paris?)

It’s not long before Turkey, Harold and Mort catch up to Kelly and Scott and run them off the road. Both are thrown from the truck and a little worse for wear. While out cold, Turkey, Harold and Morton load up the stove into their car. (Okay, Turkey drags the stove, Harold gives commands and Mort stands over unconcious Kelly and Scotty with a gun.) The boys come to just before the three take off and try to fight them to no avail. Kelly ends up with his already cut face planted in the dirt.

I loved Kellys line to Scotty as Scotty’s picking him up off the ground. “You look terrible.” To which Scotty replies with a bit of chuckle, “Sorry about that.”

Turkey, Harold and Mort take the stove into town to have it looked at and determine a value for the gold. Only to find out that the stove isn’t gold at all. It’s cast iron with gold leaf paint… (and if you think they weren’t happy…)

Papa Charlie, meantime, with his visa to Formosa, packs up his meager belongings for his trip. Catherine, however, has discovered that the stove was a farce too. He tells her that there is no gold, that he did not have the money all along.

Back at the hotel, Scotty helps tape up Kelly’s ribs. (Yes, folks we’re on the 3rd episode of the series and 30 minutes into it and Culp has his shirt off!). He notices a scar on Kelly’s shoulder and Kelly tells about how he got it (the short version, he was bit by a dog). They then get a message that a stove can be bought at a shop in town.

They figure it’s a trap but they go to check it out anyway. At the shop, they speak to the proprietor about the stove and they find out about it not being gold at all. They realize they’ve been had by Papa Charlie. They figure the note came from Turkey, Harold and Mort and they go to the back alley of the store to find “The Rover Boys” waiting for them. Kelly and Scott get their just deserts and clean the alley with all three men.

Back at their hotel room, they try to track down Papa Charlie, only to find out he has already passed through immigration and into Formosa.

“Into each life, some goofs must fall,” Scotty philosophies.

“Yeah, but so many in ours?” Kelly replies.

They ponder how they can find Charlie on Formosa and then realize they could probably get their answer from Catherine.

They tell her that they realize they were used in order for Charlie to get his sons-in-law off his back. But they warn her that once the three men figure out where Charlie went, they would go looking for him and they would kill him for his money. She tells Kelly and Scott that there is no money, no gold, nothing. They would believe her, if she’ll tell them where in Formosa Charlie is.

They promise that if she tells them, they can have the three men sent back to the US and denied any passports or visas, which would prevent them from leaving the US and finding Charlie. Catherine, however, wants a different kind of assurance and gurantee. She suddenly runs out of her father’s quarters, yelling for Turkey, Harold and Mort, who come running and set off one of the land mines. The explosion kills Turkey. Kelly yells for Harold and Mort to stay put, otherwise, they’d be killed too. And he knows that once she was through with them, she’d find something for Kelly and Scott too.

So Kelly counters with a threat of his own. He’d turn Catherine over to Harold and Mort. Catherine chooses her sides more carefully.

Kelly, Scott and Catherine fly to Formosa and ask around for where to find Charlie. What they learn is very surprising. Papa Charlie is conducting business as usual. The meager housewares Catherine had helped him pack up, were actually made out of platinum and he is trading these pieces for diamonds and jewels and other mediums of exchange. Kelly quietly interrupts Charlie’s business day, tells him to send everyone home and then asks him to count out $1 million in the platinum pieces.

Charlie does so but says he will be left penniless now. Kelly doesn’t buy it. Kelly also doesn’t have very good luck charming any of the Asian women in this episode. Catherine pretty much ignored him as does one of Charlie’s assistants, who simply walks away from Kelly when he says hello.

Later an IRS agent shows up at the boys hotel room because the payment was short. Four ounces short as a matter of fact. (Interesting to note that platinum in 1965 was $140 an ounce. At the time of this post, it’s around $1400 an ounce.). Kelly and Scott knew the man would be coming and as he’s telling them about the shortage, Kelly is polishing off a platinum fork. They then show him the fork, along with a matching fork, and the box that they were going to ship the forks back to the IRS with. The agent doesn’t understand until Kelly explains that they have a friend who boasted once about eating fettuccine with a golden spoon. Now they can say they ate Chinese with platinum forks.

The IRS agent thinks about this for a moment and then asks to pass the moo goo gai pan.

When I first saw this episode, I thought “Huh…this looks familiar…”

I know the rib wrap would show up in another TGAH ep later (“Lilacs, Mr. Maxwell”) and subsequent I Spy eps, but the bandaid on the face, on the same side no less, was a hoot.

And even this felt familiar!

That’s what I get for watching these shows back and forth.

Anyway, “Carry Me Back…” was a fun episode. Where “Patrick Henry” was fairly serious, “Kindness” mixed serious with humor, “Carry Me Back…” also had a good mix of serious and humor but was pretty much an adventure in mishaps. I thought the plot stretched things just a tad (how would Charlie have ever, ever, known that Kelly was a undercover agent??) and was constructed purposely so that Kelly and Scotty’s mishaps would take place (seriously, wouldn ‘t the US government have waited for the back tax money to be delivered in hand to the IRS before issuing the visa? We’re talking a million bucks here!). Nonetheless, the episode offered some great banter and some classic lines.

Kelly and Scotty’s adversaries included…

– Bernard Fox, who was seen several times on the sitcom Bewitched as Dr. Bombay, played it straight here but would show up later on Hogan’s Heroes as the memorable, hapless and bombastic Colonel Crittenden.

– Michael Conrad, a frequent face seen on television through the 60s and 70s and best known as Sgt Phil Esterhaus on Hill Street Blues in the early 80s.

– David Sheiner, another frequent face on television during the 60s and through the 80s, doing multiple guest spots on shows such as The Man from UNCLE, Mission Impossible, and The Fugitive. He also was one of Oscar’s poker buddies in the 1968 movie The Odd Couple. He may have been hard to recognize here as he either shaved his head or wore a skull cap for the role.

– Philip Ahn, sly old fox “Papa Charlie,” was born in the US of Korean descent. A veteran character actor playing various Asian characters in film and television he had a long career spanning from the 1930s until his death in 1978. He is probably most known for his role as Master Kan in the David Carradine tv series Kung Fu.

Conrad, Sheiner and Ahn would each return for a second time on other I Spy episodes.

Also of note is George Murdock, the drunken sailor at the beginning of the episode who gives Kelly the assignment. Another veteran character actor who made a career out of playing judges, cops and bad guys, he appeared on numerous television shows and in films, incuding frequent guest appearances on shows such as Banacek, Ironside, Barney Miller, and Battlestar Gallatica.

Kelly and Scotty’s discussion about the gold stove and taking a piece or two for themselves is listed in the Memorable Quotes section for I Spy on the IMDB.

And one final programming note…it’s a good thing this episode of I Spy didn’t air on Monday, October 4th, 1965 because it never would have been seen. NBC dropped all of it’s regular daytime and nighttime programming to allow wall-to-wall coverage of Pope Paul VI’s visit to the US (the first such visit to the US by a Pope). ABC and CBS also provided wall-to-wall coverage but with a few exceptions here and there. ABC was in the particularly sticky situation of having to choose between coverage of the papal visit and airing the National League baseball pennant game between the Los Angeles Dodgers and San Francisco Giants (if it was so needed…and good Lord man, life does have it’s priorities!). Fortunately, the Dodgers saved them from such a decision by clinching the pennant over the weekend.

The first season of I Spy, of course, is available at Amazon.com.

November 10, 2011February 22, 2018

Match Game 73

From the week of October 1-5, 1973

The Match Game (as it was called during the sixties) was resurrected in 1973 as “Match Game ’73” with subsequent seasons being denoted by year (Match Game ’74, Match Game ’75, ect…). Near as I can tell this was Robert Culp’s only appearance on Match Game in the ’70s, He would have appeared in the entire week’s run of episodes, however, I’ve only ever seen this first day.

Since Culp is in the first chair at the top row, he’s the first introduced. Um, pay attention, Bob…

Although this episode is early in the Match Game run, the familiar feel of the show is well established already. What would become the familiar cast of misfits are here, with Brett Sommers and Richard Dawson. Charles Nelson Riley was not yet a regular, but in what would be his chair is Mr. Brett Sommers, Jack Klugman. Frequent visitor Jo Ann Pflug is here and the “new blood” are Robert and actress Pat Carroll. Gene Rayburn promises the newbies they’re gonna have fun. Culp asks when. Heh. Carroll complains something about missing a PTA meeting for this. Honestly though, I’m not sure Culp really wanted to be there at first, it’s hard to tell.

The two contestants are Allen and Diane. Allan picks the first question, which is…

Gene: “Molly fed Jake nothing at all but chicken soup until he finally BLANKED.”

The usual shot of the stars writing their answers down. Nice close up of Culp. May I add that he looks very sharp in that blue suit?

Allan answers that Jake “cackled.” The audience likes this one.

Robert: “Well, it was close…he croaked.”

Most of the rest of the answers are similar, that Jake died. Klugman figures the soup might be like Brett makes it…thus, Jake vomitted. Anyway, Allan gets no matches from any of the stars. Culp says something about “no chicken soup jokes here…”

Next question for Diane… “When little Maybel dances with Big Wilt, her nose touches his BLANK.”

Now, by this point if you’re not familiar with Match Game you may have noticed the questions could sometimes be suggestive in some way. The answers, however, could not violate FCC rules. But you know everybody, including the audience, are thinking the same damn FCC violating answer. They just can’t say it. Gene tells everyone not to be influenced by this “evil audience” who are hooting and snickering. Since they’re all thinking the same answer, Culp is heard saying something like “nobody is that short.”

Diane keeps it clean and says that Maybel’s nose touches Big Wilt’s chest. Obviously the audience isn’t fond of the answer as they’re pretty much stone silent.

Robert: “Well the only Wilt I know is a lot taller than that. Belt buckle.”

Although Culp doesn’t match with Diane, he and Jack Klugman are on the same wavelength. Klugman’s answer was also belt buckle. “I think Robert and I dance with the same Wilt, I said belt buckle… ”

Jo Ann and Pat also say belt buckle. Brett and Richard say navel. Diane does not get a match but by this point Culp seems to be loosening up. On to the next question.

Gene: “Robinson Crusoe said to Friday, ‘We’ve been on this island together for 20 years. Let’s BLANK.’”

Yeah. You’re thinking all kindsa naughty answers aren’t you? So’s everybody else. Allan, who just can’t help himself, answers: “Get married.”

Gene: “He’s such a shy guy too.”

Robert: “I told you he was a vision in blue!” (Allan is wearing a bright powder blue sport coat.)

Your answer, Bob?

“I really wanted to play it very straight, because they’re cold up there and they wanted to build a fire.”

Build a fire? No, I’m sure that’s not what he first thought. (And if I was stuck on an island with Robert Culp for 20 years, I would hope we built a fire long before then!) Brett says “dance.” Klugman’s answer he figures will get him thrown out of the business…he matches Allen with “get married.” Jo Ann’s answer was that they should leave. Richard also matches with Allen for “get married.” And Pat figured as Jo Ann did, that they should just get out.

After a commerical break we return with the next question, which is, “Herman flew all the way to Brooklyn to look up Janet’s BLANK.”

The audience gets a good snicker along with some of the celebs on the panel. Culp asks Gene to repeat the question, saying, “I dare you to say it again.” Gene repeats it, unruffled, everybody chuckles and the close up of Culp shows…

Yeah. He’s thinking, “Geeze…” I’m also willing to bet Culp is thinking a particular answer but he plays it straight.

Brett is giggling like a mad woman as she writes her answer down. Everybody puts their cards in, Culp being the last one.

Diane’s answer is a disappointing “phone number.”

Robert: “You guys are too tough for me, I had to start out easy with this. I said ‘address.’”

No match. On to Brett who just stares at Gene for a long moment, looking innocent. Finally she snaps out of it and pulls her card out. The viewer and the audience can’t see it, but Culp does and you hear him burst out laughing.

That answer Culp might’ve been thinking of? Brett had no shame and proudly displays her card. “HER SKIRT!” After a good laugh, Brett then apologizes for her complete lack of taste. Culp can be heard saying “it’s allright…” Heh!

Once again Jack Klugman matches Culp with “address.” None of the other celebrities match with Diane so Allan wins the round. He goes on to win $500 in the super match with Richard but doesn’t win the $5000.

Round two with a new player, Barbara. Barbara picks question B, which is, “The morning after the party, Harry said, ‘Boy my mouth tastes like somebody left their BLANK in it.’”

Barbara’s answer: Socks

Good answer. Culp almost has it. “Very, very close!” he says, “But! It was shoes…”

Barbara would match with Brett and Richard to get two points. Unfortunately, that would be all the time they would have for this day’s game.

Now I dunno about you, but I would have loved to have been a contestant on Match Game just for the heck of it, but particularly if Culp was on the panel. If I had won a round and made it to the supermatch I would’ve picked him. I wouldn’t have cared if I won or lost at that point, I would’ve been happy just to have stood on that stage, with Culp not 15 feet away and try to see if I could match him.

And see about building that fire.

You can watch the Match Game ’73 episode on YouTube in five parts (Part One, Part Two, Part Three, Part Four, Part Five) which is where I grabbed my screen caps from. As always, with the fickle existence that is YouTube, check it out sooner rather than later as there’s no guarantee on how long the video will remain posted.

Now if I can just find the rest of his appearances from that week. I believe this screen cap I found on the internet is from the same week.

September 29, 2011January 24, 2018

Spectre

NBC Movie of the Week, Originally aired May 21, 1977

**Contains spoilers**

One of the last gems I found on YouTube in the ‘08/’09 period was this tv pilot which I thoroughly enjoyed. As a more casual Star Trek fan I was also intrigued by the fact that this was created and written by Gene Roddenberry and it’s unfortunate it didn’t make into a series.

Robert Culp plays William Sebastian, a brilliant and well known criminologist who has been dabbling in and researching the occult. His theory is that the more heinous murders committed by humans that had no definable logic in motive must have been committed due to other more powerful and unseen forces. As a result of his flirtations with the dark side and backing out of a deal with the devil, he has just one minor problem: He has a hole in his heart, like a dagger or some object has been shoved through it.

A little healing black magic from his housekeeper, Lillith (Mrs. Gene Roddenberry – Majel Barrett), Sebastian is able to continue to live and walk around. But the spell does not offer a permanent fix. Sebastian has to find the doll that the object is impaled in.

He has been asked to look into a case in England at the request of Anitra Cyon (Ann Bell), who believes her brother, Geoffrey (James Villiers), is under the influence of evil supernatural forces which has contributed to his sudden and extensive wealth. In order to proceed with the case, Sebastian will need help from his former partner, Dr. “Hamm” Hamilton (Gig Young.) The movie opens with Hamm’s arrival at Sebastian’s home – having been requested there by telegram – and this great voice over to set the tone for the movie.

“I come here to meet a man I vowed never to see again. He was vain, arrogant, selfish, but his brilliance was still irresistible. He was also dangerous – never to me – but this evening began for both of us, a slide into horrors unimaginable, a descent into a corner of hell….”

Sebastian explains about the hole in his heart and asks for Hamm’s help with the case in England. Initially Hamm says no, after all, he has some issues of his own going on including a more than casual drinking habit and is facing an inquiry by the hospital he works for. He reconsiders after learning about Sebastian’s condition but suggests that Sebastian didn’t need a compulsive drinker as an assistant. The good doctor’s drinking habits, however, were corrected by Lilith.

As they talk, another visitor arrives: Anitra Cyon. The woman, however, is not who she appears to be. Sebastian becomes suspicious when she tells him that she’s changed her mind about having him investigate anything. He takes her into his study where she refuses to sit in a chair with a cross on it and after some talk she attempts to seduce Sebastian.

He kills the mood, if you will, with the Apocryphal Book of Tobit, pressing the open book against her and exposing her for what she is, a succubus. She literally goes up in smoke.

Hamm hears the screaming and the noise from the study and bursts in, only to be shoved back out by Sebastian. Hamm is incredulous, once Sebastian finally lets him into the study, as to what happened and who the woman was. Even further, he’s appalled by all the ancient art, religious artifacts and other “junk” as he puts it, that’s in the study. He shows genuine concern for Sebastian but also warns him, that if he’s harmed anyone with all this occult hullabaloo he would have him put away. Sebastian, to Hamm’s surprise, agrees.

They fly to England on the Cyon jet with Mitri Cyon (John Hurt). During the flight over Sebastian and Hamm talk about the supernatural. Hamm pretty much is a non-believer. Sebastian suggests the possibility that some of the most heinous murders (Charlie Manson, Richard Speck) may have been done at the force of the supernatural. As they talk, the jet begins to malfunction with loss of power, loss of engines and loss of radio transmission. Hamm attributes it to a malfunction, afterall it’s a man-made machine. Sebastian knows differently and the jet lurches and tosses about in the air even more when Sebastian starts rattling off the different names by culture for the devil. After a moment, the jet settles and resumes under normal power.

In London, Mitri stays behind at the airport to check on the plane and sends Sebastian and Hamm along with the Cyon car. Sebastian asks the driver, Sydna, to make a stop first, only to realize she was already headed in that direction.

The stop is at Merlin’s Mews and the library of Dr. Qualis, an expert in the occult. Sebastian had been in contact with Qualis regarding what was going on with the Cyons. When he and Hamm get there, they find the place on fire and they find Qualis dead inside. On the floor is a pentacle, which Qualis was trying to get to the center of at the time he died but didn’t make it. (The center of a pentacle is the safest place to be when facing demons). They find Qualis is clutching his journal just as a demon attempts to get into the room. Sebastian gets the doors shut and he and Hamm stand in the middle of the pentacle. The demon busts through the doors just before fire and police arrive. The demon disappears and a fireman is yelling at them to get the hell out of the building.

Outside, they’re greeted by Scotland Yard Inspector Cabell (Gordon Jackson) whom they’ve dealt with before. After a brief explanation of how they found Qualis, the Inspector drives Sebastian and Hamm to Cyon House.

During the drive over Cabell questions them, asks if they saw anything. They say they did not. Sebastian asks if the other murders (this is the first indication that there’s any pattern of murders that have occurred – unless I missed something earlier in the movie) have any connection to Geoffrey Cyon, business rivals or the like. The inspector admits that there is a connection, off the record. Cabell says that the Qualis killing, however, doesn’t fit the previous murders. Cabell then asks Sebastian if he has reason to believe that Geoffrey Cyon is behind any of the killings. Sebastian says he does not have any reason to believe so. Cabell looks relieved to which Sebastian adds that Cyon is quite close to several members of the Cabinet. Cabell answers that, “This is England. No one is above the law.”

They arrive at Cyon House which is the former Kentworth Abbey. Cyon spent millions redoing the place and it is no longer very “abbeyish” inside. Sebastian dismisses the inspector and he and Hamm approach the entrance. The moment Hamm uses the door knocker, Sebastian is hit with terrible chest pain. Sebastian describes the pain like “something being twisted. A physical movement…” It lasts for only a moment before it passes….and the door to Cyon House opens.

Inside, Hamm and Sebastian are welcomed to Cyon House which looks less like a stately English estate and more like a tacky gilded bordello. Much of the artwork and sculptures are sexually suggestive. The maids are all beautiful women who wear slinky dresses. As Hamm and Sebastian wait for Geoffrey Cyon they admire a more artistic rendition of Venus Reclining and then Sebastian notices a small ivory coffin box in a display case. He goes a little nuts, trying to find a way to open the case and then finally smashes the glass with his elbow. The coffin, which he thought contained the doll, or rather contained him, is empty.

They meet Geoffrey Cyon, a severe looking gent who looks like he might be a distant cousin to an American family known by the name of Adams. He’s aware of his sister’s request and there’s a discussion about payment. Geoffrey offers up the Venus Reclining painting, for which he paid some 200,000 pounds for. If they can confirm Anitra’s fears and suspicions they will receive the painting. If not, they get nothing. Geoffrey then has Sebastian and Hamm join him and his siblings for dinner.

At dinner they meet Anitra Cyon, for what seems like the second time. Hamm even asks her if she has any relatives living in the United States, which she replies she does not. (Hamm’s still not quite convinced of that whole succubus thing). During dinner Geoffrey speculates that the true reason for Anitra’s investigation is simply because she does not approve of his extravagant and open lifestyle. Nonetheless, he proposes a toast to Sebastian’s success. Before Sebastian takes a drink of his wine, the edge of the glass leaves a cut on his finger. He pours the contents of his glass out using his napkin as a sift and finds shards of glass. The “old crystal” is to blame for the shards and Sebastian, not missing a beat, takes Hamm’s drink and proposes a toast. He recites the verse (which is not in English) and then takes a drink of his wine. Everyone else’s glasses shatter.

Anitra demands an explanation. Before one can be given, the head mistress of Cyon house comes in to inform Geoffrey that they were having trouble with the main gate, that the sonic control seemed jammed. Sebastian explains that the high frequency waves simply caused the old glass to shatter. Still…it doesn’t explain why his glass didn’t shatter.

After dinner, Anitra speaks with Sebastian and Hamm privately. She asks if he believes what was in her letters. Anitra is a somewhat plain, stern looking woman who obviously does not approve of her brother’s lifestyle or of the buxom beauties who are the maids. She’s somewhat envious, she admits. Nonetheless, she truly believes there is something evil going on and she fears for both her brothers. She asks Sebastian that if he can’t stop whatever power it is that is doing these things, if he has to resort to killing everyone in Cyon house to do it, including her, that he should do so.

The request literally knocks him back in his chair but he nods meekly. Hamm figures this is a good time to excuse himself and Sebastian for the evening. Mitri comes in in time to escort them up to their rooms. At the top of the stairs, they pause for Sebastian to catch his breath. One of the maids walks by with an arm full of sheets and brushes against Hamm, pushing him against the railing…which gives away and nearly sends Hamm tumbling down into the fountain.

Their rooms are adjoining, and Hamm’s looks like a bordello (complete with pink satin sheets on the water bed, a heart shaped pillow and more sexually suggestive art. There’s even a leopard skin rug on the floor. But wait, it gets better…)

Hamm leaves the room to check on Sebastian next door, who has a more appropriate and stately decorated suite. Hamm checks on Sebastian’s vitals while he reads through Qualis’s journal. Sebastian also explains that his toast at dinner was to ward off evil spirit. Since the demon would only be present or possessing one of the Cyon siblings, all of the glasses shattered in order for “it” to not reveal itself.

Sebastian reads entries from Qualis’s journal. The excavation done at Cyon house three years earlier for a new wine cellar disturbed an ancient underground cavern known as Druid’s Firepit. Qualis’s greatest fear is realized when he learns that “A” has been freed, after being bound for more than 2000 years. Qualis can’t even write the demon’s name in the journal instead writing only the symbol he is known by. When Sebastian shows Hamm the page with the symbol on it and speaks the demon’s name, Asmodeus, Prince of Lechery Lord of Corruption, the wind suddenly picks up and the fire in the fire place grows larger. It lasts for only a moment and then dies down.

Hamm doesn’t buy that this is anything beyond coincidence. Even he speaks the demon’s name and nothing happens. Sebastian explains that it was a direct response to him.

We have a break in our evil supernatural spirits for some comic relief with Hamm, who’s room remember looks like a bordello. More or less because, it is a bordello. He awakens to find a girl in his bed who, with a push of a few buttons on a console brings up the colored lights and turns on the funky music. She then has Hamm make a selection which in turn brings in a dominatrix and a “school girl.” The dominatrix selects a whip from a hidden cabinet on the wall and gives it a crack. By this point Hamm is out of bed and grabs the whip from the dominatrix….and the door adjoining to Sebastian’s room suddenly opens.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says, “am I interrupting something?” Hamms sputters that the ladies were just leaving then he turns it around and says they had just gotten there. Either way, Sebastian shoos the ladies from the room. Hamm explains he’s been awake all of two minutes. Sebastian marvels at how much Hamm accomplished in two minutes. Heh!

Sebastian then shows Hamm the druid ring from the window explaining that it was that that had awoken him. After they dress, they go out to check it out. Hamm is sure he can hear either women screaming or animals howling, or both – just as two pit bulls come barreling over the stones and straight toward them.

The two remain still while the dogs are snarling at them before being called back by Geoffrey Cyon. When they say they thought they heard noises from the ring, he invites them to take a closer look. He then says how the wind makes odd noises with the stones sometimes and advises the two that they shouldn’t come out here again. The hounds could be dangerous.

Back inside Cyon house Sebastian and Hamm leave to meet with Inspector Cabell just as several high profile financial leaders are arriving for a meeting. When they get to New Scotland Yard, they find the Inspector is not there and is at Merlin’s Mews. Sebastian figures that Cabell has learned that Qualis kept a journal and is there looking for it. They drive on to Merlin’s Mews and turn the journal over to Cabell. Cabell isn’t much interested in any of the evil spirits bunk and is only interested in making sure that Geoffrey Cyon is not being implicated in any of the murders. Technically, he’s not being implicated, as Sebastian notes that Geoffrey was in other parts of the world at the time various murders occurred. But still there’s something amiss at Cyon House. Inspector Cabell isn’t much interested.

Back at Cyon House, Sebastian strolls through the main foyer and notices a piano and sheet music and starts to play the melody. He gets stuck on one particular note. Mitri shows up and shows how it’s played properly. They talk a bit, Sebastian wondering what the hell Mitri is doing flying a plane when he can compose and play music that is beautiful. He asks Mitri about Cyon business interests and how each of the siblings own a third of the share. Mitri points out though that Geoffrey is the financial wizard and he (Mitri) merely backs him up in terms of votes, which always out votes Anitra. Mitri speculates that this may be part of her wanting this investigation too. Mitri also marvels at how much his brother has accomplished and praises his abilities, just as Geoffrey walks into the room.

Geoffrey admonishes Mitri, however. He even goes so far as to slap him when Mitri admits that he wonders if Anitra is going mad. Mitri excuses himself and leaves the room. Geoffrey then extends an invitation of sorts to Sebastian, just as Anitra comes into the room. Just as she’s about to warn Sebastian about Geoffrey’s “obscene Hell Fire club” they hear noises coming from Mitri’s room.

By the time the police arrive, one of the hounds is howling its head off at something in the tree. The only witness to the attack on Mitri was the other dog, who was gored and thrown into the tree. Geoffrey has the ambulance that was called for cancelled as Dr. Hamilton was taking care of things. This is the only scene in the whole film where Culp’s character is seen wearing glasses. Not sure if this was a continuity error or if any other scenes where he wore the glasses might have been cut.

Inspector Cabell speaks briefly with Mitri, who saw nothing of his attacker and could not recall even if it might have been a man or an animal. Sebastian then talks to Cabell about how the disciples of Asmodeus are capable of great physical change. Cabell is still not buying much of it but does agree to Sebastian’s request that a constable be left on the grounds, in case the attacker (if it was such an outside force) returns.

Hamm returns as Cabell leaves. With a constable on the grounds, Sebastian figures Cyon will have to keep his dogs penned up so he and Hamm can take a closer look at the ruins. They prepare to go with a flash light and appropriate religious symbols. Hamm’s is nothing more than a simple Star of David on a key chain. Sebastian has a cross. A very old cross, blessed for more than 900 years. (“Why must you always have the best of everything, William?” Hamm asks, somewhat sardonically). Sebastian does note that it’s “good to be together again.”

They head out to the ruins and find their way in (but not before one of the boulders of the ruins nearly falls on Sebastian). They follow the tunnel where they find one of the maids dresses on the ground along the way. They find markings on rocks dating back to druid times and are nearly crushed under falling stones.

Finally, they find the “prison” Asmodeus was locked away in for 2000 years. They find half of the broken solid gold seal that had been on the doors. Inside the “black temple” they find a sacrificial alter that bears Asmodeus symbol. Sebastian unveils the 900 year old cross that he carries and places it on the alter, the power of which is felt through the temple and brings Sebastian to his knees.

After he tucks the cross into a crevice in the altar, he gets back to his feet with help from Hamm. Suddenly they hear the crazy laughter of a girl and turn to see one of the maids is hanging upside down on the wall. Hamm checks on her but she’s completely unaware that he and Sebastian are even there. A disciple shows up a moment later but doesn’t enter the temple due to the half seal that Sebastian had hung on a candle stand. The disciple leaves and then Sebastian is hit again with the twisting feeling in his chest. Hamm grabs hold of him and walks him out of the temple, Sebastian taking the gold seal with them.

Back in Sebastian’s room, he tells Hamm what will happen if they don’t stop Asmodeus. His physical condition, however, has weakened and Hamm will not allow him to travel to London for the items that he needs. So Sebastian tells Hamm that he has to go. The items include materials so they can melt down some of the gold from the seal to make a bullet, holy water from a baptism and communion wine, blessed by a bishop. Hamm figures getting some of these things will be impossible, as he puts it he’s not a witch from MacBeth. But he agrees to go, so long as Sebastian rests. Sebastian agrees. He also figures if Geoffrey Cyon is Asmodeus, they needed to figure out which human was his priest. The legend goes that the priest takes the form of a great cat. This would be the most dangerous of the disciples.

Hamm returns later to Cyon House to learn that Anitra has gone missing. This news apparently doesn’t faze either of her siblings as Geoffrey is carrying on with a planned party. When Hamm asks of any news from Geoffrey about Anitra, Geoffrey simply walks away. Mitri is even less upset, saying that whoever has her is probably in more trouble than they realize anyway, as Anitra “is always saying she’s the real tiger of the house.”

As the party goes on downstairs, Hamm and Sebastian are in Sebastian’s room preparing the golden bullet. Sebastian theorizes that Anitra’s disappearance might be permanent. Hamm mentions Mitri’s comment about Anitra being the “real tiger of the house.” Sebastian adds that it was Anitra, after all, who brought them there.

As the party rages on (and dissolves into an orgy) Sebastian and Hamm sneak back down through the wine cellar to the temple. When Sebastian attempts to load his golden bullet into his gun, he drops it and it rolls behind one of the massive doors. He and Hamm pry the door away from the wall where they find the other half of the golden seal in the mummified hands of Mitri. Asmodeus was never Geoffrey Cyon. It was Mitri all along. Sebastian finds his golden bullet and takes the other half of the seal.

Sebastian loads his gun when the sounds of chanting can be heard. He and Hamm go into the temple and hide in the shadows.

They watch as disciples arrive carrying Anitra and placing her on the altar. Asmodeus then arrives and Sebastian and Hamm watch in awe as Mitri commands Geoffrey to be his priest by taking Anitra, sexually. Geoffrey cannot bring himself to do it and offers instead her death and her death only. But even this he is unable to do.

Asmodeus figures he knows someone else who would be his priest and he calls out Sebastian. The disciples chant Sebastian’s name and one of them turns to face him – Inspector Cabell.

Asmodeus offers Sebastian his life, the removal of the object impaled in the doll if he will become the priest. The ivory coffin box is brought in and the object is removed from the doll. Sebastian’s hole in his chest and heart are healed.

He approaches Mitri, vowing to “obey my Lord.” He’s draped in a black and gold robe and he turns to Anitra who cries to him about his promise, to kill them all. He says nothing, opening his arms wide where one hand contains the bottle of holy water. He pours near the crevice where the cross had been tucked into earlier.

The power of the holy water and the cross flares up from the alter and chaos erupts in the temple as disciples scramble away from the altar. Hamm hands the other half of the gold seal to Sebastian who puts the two pieces together and holds it out to Asmodeus. Asmodeus screams for hellfire and he gets it, only not for Sebastian. Sebastian throws both halves of the seal into the fire and then follows up with the communion wine, putting Asmodeus into a hellfire of his own. As the final touch, Sebastian fires his golden bullet at Asmodeus.

Hamm frees Anitra from the altar as total madness takes over the disciples and the temple. Sebastian fights off disciples as he makes his way to the doorway of the temple. Once he, Hamm and Anitra are out the temple crumbles and collapses in fire and destruction, taking everyone in it with it.

Back in the US, Hamm and Sebastian see the newspaper reports of the fire that destroyed Cyon house and the partygoers, along with many of the paintings and artifacts that it contained. Asmodeus unfortunately was not destroyed and Sebastian warns that they would see him again. They then receive a surprise visitor, Anitra Cyon, looking much lovelier than she ever had. She brings a gift to Sebastian, a painting. Not the Venus Recliningthat he had admired at Cyon house but a suitable replacement. While Sebastian looks over the painting, Hamm offers to talk to Anitra alone in Sebastian’s study.

Lilith assures Sebastian that it is indeed Anitra Cyon. Sebastian had no doubt and although he knows it’s really Ms. Cyon and Lilith knows it, Hamm doesn’t. When he comments that it should be an interesting session in the study, the fire suddenly burns higher and the wind blows through the room. It’s then that Sebastian realizes there’s a symbol on the painting. The “A” of Asmodeus…

I really enjoyed Culp’s performance in this. He’s exactly as Gig Young’s voice over at the beginning of the movie describes: Vain, arrogant, selfish…but his brilliance is irresistible. Although the arrogance of the character doesn’t come off like some annoying know-it-all; he never talks down to anyone. He shares his knowledge not to make himself look important, but because the knowledge is important and needs to be shared so that others can understand what’s going on. This demon stuff is serious business! (Serious enough that his arrogance is in having to have a priceless jewel encrusted cross, blessed by priests for 900 years.)

He also looks really good dressed in black.

Gene Roddenbury was actually about 30 years ahead of his time with this pilot. Although supernatural movies like “The Exorcist” and “The Omen” freaked out audiences back in the ’70s at the movie theatres, and Steven King books were all the rage, the thought of bringing the supernatural to television was met with some skepticism. Spectre was not the only supernatural themed movie to air at the time (indeed, there were two others the same weekend; Good vs. Evil on ABC and The Possessed, also on NBC.) The networks, Roddenbury said in an interview in 1977, “always chickened out (with supernatural stuff) because they want the unexplained to be explained. If you had a ghost it always turned out to be someone trying to frighten the aunt out of the estate.”

Although audiences were looking for such programs, critics weren’t. Reviews were mixed for Spectre, one critic calling it “campy.” Perry Fulkerson of the The (St Petersburg, FL) Evening Independent downright condemned the pilot calling it, literally, “a piece of trash.” Everything about the movie offended him, from the sexual overtones (the bedroom scene of Hamm’s with the dominatrix and young girl – “This is on television?” Fulkerson wrote, “It ought to be in the garbage.”) to Culp’s character using “evil devices” to fight off the forces of evil (Holy water? Communion wine? Oh, silly me, I guess Mr. Fulkerson didn’t like the old fashioned single action pistol Sebastian used). Fulkerson goes on further to say that using evil to fight evil is “quite contrary to the nature of reality.”

Makes me wonder what Mr. Fulkerson would think of the plethora of demon and vampire shows on television nowadays. Particularly, Supernatural, where the Winchester boys have a trunk full of “evil devices” in their old Chevy Impala to fight off evil spirits.

Nonetheless, I thought this pilot was well made and the storyline is good. I acknowledge there’s a little camp with Hamm’s bedroom scene and Culp borders briefly on being a smidge hammy with his “Ah ha! A welcome!” when he and Hamm arrive at Cyon house. The production values, settings and special effects in this movie are very well done (and clearly very expensive!) except for one part. When Mitri/Asmodeus loses his human form during the final confrontation with Sebastian and is turned back into the demon, he looks like something out of a 1950s sci-fi movie. Very amateurish, totally fake and extremely disappointing. Especially so after various demons/disciples in previous scenes are much better costume and makeup work. Why a similar look was not utilized for Asmodeus in this scene is completely beyond me.

Unfortunately, because it cost so much to produce this movie NBC passed on picking it up as a series. The film was also overshadowed by Roddenberry’s decision to go forward with the first Star Trek motion picture although that film didn’t go into production until late 1978. Also, tragically, Gig Young would be dead just over a year after this pilot aired, after taking his own life.

As I was digging through the Google archive for info on Spectre I found a nice full page layout about the movie from The Day newspaper of New London, Connecticut.

You can see the full page article here.

I also happened to notice another amusing tidbit, but not directly related to the movie. If in England, “no one is above the law” then it’s ironic that two days before Spectre aired, David Frost’s infamous interview with former President Richard Nixon was televised. Nixon was quoted in the interview essentially saying that “when the President does it (orders something that might be illegal otherwise, like, say, burglaries) then it’s not illegal.”

Along with Academy Award winner Gig Young (supporting actor, They Shoot Horses Don’t They?) guest stars included…

John Hurt – the British actor known for his role in Alien and his Oscar nominated roles in Midnight Express and The Elephant Man, essentially made his American TV debut with Spectre.

Gordon Jackson – another British actor familiar to American audiences from movies such as The Great Escape and the television series Upstairs, Downstairs. Ironically, he would guest star on an episode of a short lived British television series the same year called…Supernatural.

Ann Bell – A long time actress on British television, Ann had an uncredited role in Fahrenheit 451 and also appeared in To Sir, With Love.

James Villiers – Long time British character actor who made a career of playing upper class type characters. He infact had an aristocratic background, being a descendant of the Earls of Clarendon. He appeared in such movies as the 1981 James Bond film For Your Eyes Only, Roman Polanski’s Repulsion and the 1965 Bette Davis horror/noir film The Nanny.

And certainly I can’t forget to note Majel Barrett (who was a part of just about every Star Trek tv series and film – either as a character or as the voice of the Enterprise/Federation computer) who was the single most driving force behind Gene Roddenberry writing this pilot in the first place. Ms. Barrett actually studied witchcraft and had an interest in the supernatural. A piece appeared in newspapers around the country in March of 1977 that can be seen here.

Fans of the British tv series Are You Being Served? should recognize Penny Irving as the First Maid. Fans of the British tv series ‘Allo! ‘Allo! should recognize Vicki Michelle as the Second Maid. Both ladies can be seen in the full page spread from The Day newspaper above.

Spectre is available on DVD from modcinema.com. As of the time of this posting it is one of the Top 20 bestsellers.

August 30, 2011January 7, 2018

The Greatest American Hero (Pilot)

Originally aired: March 18, 1981

Ralph Hinkley (William Katt) is a young high school teacher who has been assigned to a remedial class made up of a group of misfits, Los Angeles’s answer to the Sweat Hogs. Ralph’s positive he can make a difference with the kids, but his first day proves that won’t be easy. In addition to that, Ralph has a personal issue to deal with – his ex-wife has filed for custody of their young son, Kevin.

When Ralph decides to take his students on a field trip, his life becomes even more complicated. In a diner somewhere near Palmdale, one of his students – Tony – mouths off to a patron who apparently looked at him cross-eyed. This particular patron, despite being “dressed like Archie Bunker going to church,” packs a .38 pistol and has no qualms about pulling the gun on Tony when Tony pulls a knife.

“If you’re looking for trouble, you’ve just come upon the West Coast distributor…”

Thus, we’re introduced for the first time to Bill Maxwell. He doesn’t think much of Ralph’s apology, rebuffs any further attempt by Ralph to smooth things over and they part ways, not knowing that their fates were soon to become intertwined.

Later, the bus Ralph and his students are using appears to breakdown. Ralph tells the kids to stay put while he goes back to a gas station about a mile away. On the road, Ralph is nearly run over by Maxwell, who’s trying to keep control of his car. After the car stops, Ralph yanks open the door, pulls Bill off the steering wheel and then takes the .38 and chucks it. He berates Bill and asks “what institution” let him out. Bill calmly holds up his Federal badge and replies, “this one.”

Ralph’s attitude changes pretty quick, although he’s still somewhat indignant. Bill, pretty much as he did at the diner, ignores him and sets out to figure out what’s wrong with his car. He crawls underneath his car to check on the steering components when suddenly his flashlight and his car lights drain down to nothing. When he gets back up and into the car to see what’s going on, he and Ralph both notice the approaching lights in the sky.

As the lights get closer and they realize something really weird is going on, they both duck into the car. Bill tries to start it but no go and then the door locks lock on their own – and won’t unlock.

Now they’re trying to bust out of the car, unlock the doors, smash a window, something! The ship descends down and Ralph and Bill can only watch in fear and awe. The radio flips on and President FDR’s long ago assurance that “we have nothing to fear but fear itself” is the alien’s way of saying not to be afraid. They then communicate their message, using broken up pieces of broadcasts: Ralph and Bill have been chosen to work together and to use a suit with “unearthly powers.”

Another voice that comes over the radio is that of Bill’s partner, John Mackie, who we saw at the very beginning of the story being chased and caught by some bad guys. His fate is confirmed when he’s beamed down with the suit and puts it in the trunk of Bill’s car.

Remember that gruff patron back at the diner? When Mackie comes back to the window and Bill sees the blood stains on Mackie’s suit, he quietly goes to pieces.

Mackie returns to the ship and the spacecraft lifts away from earth, leaving Bill and Ralph to process what they’ve just experienced.

Bill opens his trunk, lets Ralph remove the box with the suit in it and then takes off like a scalded cat, leaving Ralph behind on the dark desert highway. As Ralph makes his way back to the bus, he’s completely unaware that the instruction book that comes with the suit has fallen out of the box.

The next morning Ralph is late getting to school, having indulged some curiosity and trying the suit on. When he gets to school, he’s told that a “friend” of his is in the boy’s bathroom, throwing up and is ordered to get the drunk out of there before assembly is over.

The “drunk,” turns out, is Maxwell. “The Lawrence of Palmdale,” Ralph calls him. “The desert chicken.” Bill at least admits that the experience the previous night scared the bejeezus out of him but he found his way to Whitney High School to find Ralph to more or less confirm that what happened, really happened.

Yeah, it did. And yes, they’re supposed to work together. Bill’s not exactly thrilled, and he tells Ralph so, nothing personal. He also says that it should be him running the operation. Ralph though doesn’t really want to deal with any of this at the moment and tells Bill he has to leave. Bill’s not ready to leave just yet, he’s got questions about the suit and asks about the instruction book. When he finds out the book is gone, he’s really not impressed with Ralph.

Ralph isn’t too impressed with the idea of Bill calling all the shots either and goes toe to toe to tell him that. They would talk about it more later and Ralph leaves. Bill can only hope that Ralph doesn’t lose the suit too.

At this point if anybody had doubts that these two can work together, well, you’d be rightly concerned.

For Ralph, things take an outrageous turn when he’s trying to get to the courthouse for a hearing on his custody case. He gets stuck in a traffic jam and the payphone he tries to use to call his attorney, Pam Davidson (Connie Selleca) to say he’d be late, is out of order. The suit is in the back of his station wagon…

He debates it, then gives in to try it. He figures he can fly to the courthouse and make the hearing. Problem is, he realizes he can’t fly very well, he ends up losing his clothes and is spotted by the cops as he tries to take flight. He’s also spotted by a private investigator who snaps a few pictures of Ralph after Ralph crashes into a billboard.

The whole fracas lands Ralph in the psych ward of the hospital and when Pam shows up, she’s not sure what to make of the situation. She figures Ralph has really cracked and this isn’t going to go well for the custody case. It gets worse when he starts seeing images of Bill on the wall…

Pam’s convinced he’s gone sideways. Ralph, seeing that Bill is in trouble, busts out of the hospital with Pam running after him. They jump in her car and take off. During the drive, Ralph explains what happened with getting the suit and all. Pam doesn’t know what to believe at this point but isn’t beyond being convinced that Ralph’s lost his mind.

They arrive at the home of Nelson Corey, millionaire industrialist, where Bill is being held captive. Ralph has Pam wait with the car and he makes his way onto the grounds of the estate.

Bill, meanwhile, is being held by members of “Gabriel’s Army” basically a group of thugs thinly disguised as a religious group. One of them talks to Bill about salvation and all, while wielding a cattle prod. Bill shows no outward fear during this but when Ralph comes busting through the wall, Bill’s more than relieved. “I’ve never been so scared in my life!” he tells Ralph.

After Ralph gets himself and Bill out of the compound (by flying over the wall, with Bill over Ralph’s shoulders, and suffering a messy landing), Bill is introduced to Pam who, by this point, is more indignant than anything about this “suit” thing.

Still not fully convinced about the suit and becoming fed up with the boys, Pam orders Ralph to pull over. They get out of the car, except Bill, and Pam basically tells Ralph that she’s not buying any of it. The suit, the spaceship, none of it. So, to demonstrate the power of the suit, Ralph walks back to Pam’s car and lifts it up, Bill and all.

Pam faints. Convinced now, once she’s brought back around she asks the all-important question. “What do we do?”

Each of them have a different idea of what to do. Bill’s ready to take on the Russians. Pam and Ralph are more concerned with their own immediate lives. Bill does forget about the Russians long enough to focus on the immediate task at hand, which is finding out what was going on with this Gabriel’s Army, how Nelson Corey ties into all of it and who killed Bill’s partner, John Mackie.

Back at Ralph’s house they brainstorm for a bit realizing they’ve seen a lot more of the Vice President in the media lately and Bill chimes in with tidbit about Nelson Corey and his political backing. They then hear a news alert on the radio and when they turn on the television they find Los Angeles has erupted in riots. The Vice President is already in LA and the President is on his way.

Ralph asks Rhonda to watch Kevin for him while he, Bill and Pam head out to find out what’s going on. They check with the local commander of the area National Guard, only to discover that he’s in the thick of the plot. He brings Ralph, Pam and Bill to Nelson Corey’s estate where they’re locked in a room.

They don’t stay for long however, since Ralph’s wearing the suit. They dupe their guards and escape. With the President’s helicopter on the way, Bill gives Ralph the simple order: You gotta stop that chopper from landing.

Ralph succeeds and gets the President’s helicopter to turn back. Bill, with some back up by Pam, nabs Nelson Corey. Mr. Corey’s plans to eliminate the President and put the Vice President in power is stopped.

After all this, Maxwell asks for Ralph and Pam to meet him out in the dessert. There, he insists on being “in charge” of their operation from this point on but he praises Ralph for a job well done. He also decides that they’ll continue to work on local stuff and not go after the Russians. Ralph’s wearing the suit underneath his clothes and when he shakes Bill’s hand in appreciation for the genuine respect that Bill pays him, Ralph unintentionally breaks Bill’s hand.

Before Bill can walk back to his car, the green guys return. Over Pam’s car radio they deliver their message: They were satisfied with the results and they suggest that Ralph use the invisibility power of the suit.

Which Ralph would…if he hadn’t lost the instruction book.

And so it begins! A special ed teacher and a gruff, by the book FBI agent brought together by aliens and given a suit to save the world. When I water it down like that, it almost sounds like the show never should have worked. But it did. The pilot was well written and the cast work.

What The Greatest American Hero had against it though was everything else. Two days before the pilot aired, Warner Brothers and DC Comics filed suit against the show claiming it was too similar to Superman. (Seriously?) A federal judge ruled to allow the show to air while the litigation went forward and a year later the lawsuit was thrown out completely. (The damage, unfortunately, was pretty well done by that point but that’s another topic.)

Reviews of the pilot were mixed. Judy Flander of the Washington Star called the show “depressing” and “pathetic.” “An insult to adults,” she added. The Daily Times of Portsmouth, Ohio said the show “tires quickly.” At the other end of the spectrum, one review called the show “promising” and Peter J. Boyer (at the time a television critic for the Associated Press, now a writer for the likes of The New Yorker and Newsweek) was more gracious about the show, calling it “good, inspired fun.” Mr. Boyer specifically noted Culp’s portrayal of Maxwell, saying, “This is great Culp here, played straight without tongue bulging conspicuously in cheek, the best Culp since ‘I Spy.'”

Indeed, it is great Culp. It’s without a doubt, my favorite Culp. As I mentioned in my overview of The Hit Car episode, I was sold on Bill Maxwell in fairly short order and although I’ve enjoyed many other Culp performances, I always come back to Maxwell.

Despite some of the reviews of the show and the on going legal issues, The Greatest American Hero became a hit for ABC in it’s short first season. Things would not be easy from that point forward, however.

Guest stars in the pilot included…

G.D. Spradlin as Nelson Corey, who also appeared in the I Spy episode “Tonia” with Robert Culp. Mr. Spradlin began acting in his 40s and made a career out of playing politicians, military officers, Presidents and law enforcement officers in films and television. He passed away recently on July 24, 2011 at the age of 90.

Richard Herd, a familiar face on television since the early 1970s, as Vice President Adam Taft. Herd also played Watergate burgler James McCord in the 1976 movie All the President’s Men, and was Captain Sheridan in the William Shatner series TJ Hooker.

Bob Minor as John Mackie. Minor, a one time body builder champion, has been a successful actor and stuntman/stunt coordinator in films and television since the early 70’s. He was the stunt coordinator for six years on Magnum, P.I. and has doubled for the likes of Bernie Mac, Jim Brown and Sidney Poitier. In addition to the acting credit for this episode, he also is credited for stunts.

The Greatest American Hero first season DVD and is available at Amazon.com.

June 7, 2011January 31, 2018

Outrage

ABC Movie of the Week

Original air date: November 28, 1973

**Contains spoilers**

Back in 2008, when I found the I Spy episodes, Greatest American Hero video, the Get Smartclip and a couple other gems on YouTube, I found a “trailer” of sorts for this 1973 made-for-tv movie. The video has since been removed from YouTube, but it was a collection of scenes from the movie, including parts of the ending where Culp goes “calmly ballistic” and smashes the hell out of whatever he can with his pickup truck and baseball bat. After seeing the clip and reading a little bit more about the movie, I knew I had to find it just so I could watch him go berserk and cheer him on. I love old/classic cars but the kids in this film looked like a bunch of real pieces of —-.

Turns out, I was right.

I eventually did find the film at a wonderful website called modcinema.com, which specializes in rare and hard to find 60s and 70s feature films and made-for-tv movies. The copy is good, but the viewer should be aware that it is not a remastered film. Capping this thing proved challenging and there were some shots I could not get that were very clear.

The events in this movie were based on an actual incident that occurred. Culp plays Dr. Jim Kiler, a veterinarian, who lives with his wife and children in an affluent gated community called “Oak Meadows” in California. Unfortunately, some of the residents of the community include some spoiled and bored rich kids who have nothing better to do with their time than tear around in their hotrods harassing the neighborhood. The movie opens with the boys dumping a truck full of junk and garbage into the swimming pool of an older woman who lives in the neighborhood.

When the kids’s drag racing spooks the horses Jim and his family are riding, Jim and his wife, Muriel (Marlyn Mason) decide to start a petition to install speed bumps and stop signs in the neighborhood. And things begin to escalate from there.

Vance Chandler (the leader of the pack, if you will – played by Tom Leopold) and another kid are racing up and down the street and nearly run Kiler down in his own driveway. The other kid’s car suffers a broken headlight, and Jim ends up with a broken hand as he ends up karate chopping the thing. Jim gets nowhere with the Sheriff’s department or the highway patrol as he has only a vague description of the car and obviously couldn’t get a license plate while diving out of the way. He confronts Vance afterwards, wanting to know who the other boy was. He gets a name, and then gets some additional information from the police who track down the car. Jim then talks to the young man, Carl Dibble.

Carl (played by Don Stark – whom I have an interesting tidbit about when I get to the end of this) seems to show some genuine remorse for what happened and doesn’t want for things to be escalated by any lawsuits or anything. Jim doesn’t say one way or the other if he’ll press charges.

In the end, he does. In court, however, when Vance Chandler and Ron Werner’s parents don’t show up, the judge postpones the hearing to a later date, which only opens up a whole lot of time for Chandler and his friends to harass Jim and his family.

And harass, they do. They start by throwing cans of paint at the house. Then the boys fire incendiary devices over the house and over the lawn, setting a hay bale on fire. The Kilers get no help from the law and already by this point Murielwants to move. Jim, however, refuses to cave in to a bunch of “spoiled brats.” In fact, he’s so adamant it’s the first real flash of red hot anger we see from him. For the rest of the movie, however, Kiler is a man who is constantly simmering and trying very hard to do things by the law.

He calms himself immediately though and instead he suggests that Muriel not be at the house by herself and they ask their housekeeper, Thelma, to stay during the day. She does, and as expected, the torment from the boys continues. They dig up and tear apart the plants Muriel was planting, only to get a free bath from Thelma when she turns on the lawn sprinkler.

Undeterred, the boys then plant a cherry bomb in the Kiler’s mailbox. Again, the law can’t do much. But the deputy offers to put in some off duty time to try to catch the boys. Although Jim appreciates the offer and agrees, it’s still unofficial.

The antics continue with Vance making an obscene phone call and then taunting Jim after Kiler picks up the extension. Jim’s simmer starts to boil and he’s about to march out of the house to confront Vance again. Muriel tells Jim to stay put while she goes across the street to try to talk to Mr. Chandler, which gets her nowhere. Chandler tells her to tell Jim to leave his family alone. Thing is, Jim had followed Muriel over and hears this just in time. When Jim confronts Chandler, Chandler tries to take a swing at him only to end up on the ground by Jim. Muriel pulls Jim away and walks him back to the house.

By this point, Muriel is at her wits end. She’s begun taking tranquilizers to get through the day. Jim tells her he wants her and the kids to go to her mother’s for a while, until the trial is over. She doesn’t want to go – she’d rather just pack up and move out of the neighborhood. But Jim refuses to give in to the threats and antics of these kids and reminds her of that.

While they’re talking, the boys have been busy stringing up an effigy outside the Kiler’s home. With the call of their car horns and revving engines, the Kiler’s come out side in time to see effigy’s of them, burning from the tree.

The next day Jim sees his wife and kids off. Vance and his buddies are watching from across the street and they follow Muriel as she drives out of the neighborhood, tailgating, hollering and blaring horns. Jim follows in his truck. Chandler and his friends then let her go and double back to the Kiler home, proceeding to take the split rail fence down.

Jim returns home to find his fence destroyed. The deputy sheriff makes a stop by, unfortunately not soon enough to have caught the boys in the act. He then finds out that Jim has sent Muriel away and is disappointed, as he had asked that an adult be at the house at all times in order to try to catch these kids in the act. Of course, he then tells Jim that he would be away for a while as his son and daughter in law had just bought a new house up in Oregon.

In court, Carl Dibble has changed his plea to no contest for the hit and run. As a result he is given one year probation, a $200 fine and his license is suspended for six months. Unfortunately, as a result of Carl’s change of plea it lets Vance Chandler and Ronald Werner off the hook and the charges against them are dismissed, much to Jim Kiler’s surprise. The judge makes his displeasure clear and speaks strongly to the parents, telling them to straighten these boys up or else they could end up in prison someday.

With the trial over, and the boys let off scot free, Jim’s not sure if they’ve sobered up a bit or if they’ll be encouraged to try more antics. He phones Muriel and tells her to wait a couple of days before coming back home.

Jim attempts to get things back to some kind of normal and has some workers working on cleaning up the red paint from the face of the house. But the antics of the boys continue. After returning from a horse ride, Jim heads out behind the house to put the horse in the stall. The family dog, Oliver, remains out front, where he’s spotted by the boys as they drive by. They entice the dog with some food and essentially dognap him.

It doesn’t seem like the boys intended for any harm to come to the dog, but as they’re playing with Oliver, Vance comes barreling through in his car – and hits the dog. They leave Oliver on Kiler’s front step to be found later that night.

Jim makes an appearance at the next town meeting to talk about the teenage violence. He had distributed a letter and got responses back from other teens in the community who had no qualms about naming names as to who were responsible for the acts of violence that were taking place. Jim names the families, getting as far as the Chandlers and the Werners. Mr. Werner objects, threatening to sue for slander. But then another citizen comes to the defense of Jim and when Jim delivers a speechify about controlling the kids to prevent someone from getting hurt, or killed, the townsfolk applaud. Jim proceeds, at the behest of the Mayor, to name the names. The families accused walk out, but the rest of the townsfolk still back up Jim.

Despite the support, the town folk vote against any new spending on additional protection from the Sheriff’s department.

For three weeks though, things seem quiet. Muriel returns home with the kids and, other than having to explain about the loss of Oliver, it seems like things can finally get back to normal. The young girl’s birthday is coming up and since Thelma will miss the actual day, they decide to have a little get up that night with some cake and ice cream.

Chandler and his friends decide to put some “icing on the cake” and they lob bricks through the kitchen window, injuring Thelma. This becomes the incident that finally sends Jim over the edge. He heads out with his pickup truck and baseball bat and proceeds to smash the hell out of each of the cars involved, along with some fences and a greenhouse. At each stop, he announces himself. He pours paint over one of the cars. Tosses patio furniture through a front window. Breaks a window at another house and shoves the garden hose through, spraying water at full blast. And he smashes out the windows on all the cars.

At the Chandler house, he pushes Vance’s Chevy with his truck. He then breaks the windows on the car, all the while calling for Chandler, who looks out from within the house. For Chandler, however, Jim has reserved a very special revenge. He pushes Vance’s car down to the bottom of the drive way, stuffs paper into the gas tank and lights it on fire. He jumps back in his truck, zips across the street and gets back out in time to turn around and watch Vance’s Chevy blow up into a huge fireball.

The movie ends with a on screen note saying that no charges were brought against Jim and there was no further violence in “Oak Meadows.”

No matter how many times I’ve watched the ending of this movie, I still get a bit of a rush from it. Culp plays Kiler as a man simmering through the entire film. He pops a gasket a couple of times, but otherwise struggles to keep his cool in the face of the crap these kids are dishing out. You know he wants to just beat the snot out of all of them. But as he himself says after he slugs Vance’s father, “other than being stupid, (violence) doesn’t solve anything.”

He tries so hard to do things legal and civil like. Throughout the movie the antics of the boys involves mostly just property damage. With the death of Oliver one might have thought that would have sent Jim over the edge. He’s clearly heartbroken and at that point pleads to the entire town for some kind of help. But even then, he doesn’t get any.

The final straw comes during a special moment for one of his kids. A simple little birthday celebration, being held special so that Thelma can be there, is shattered, literally, by Vance and his friends and Thelma is injured. It could have just as easily been Muriel or one of the kids who got struck by the brick. And you know Culp, as Kiler, knows this. The look on his face, after the ambulance pulls away from the house, goes from exhaustion and defeat to the dangerous look of complete and total…outrage. He’s crossed the line and there’s no turning back. Not even Muriel’s plea, her reminder of his promise of no violence, does any good. He’s too far gone.

What’s scary is watching him do this all so damn calmly! There’s no crazed outburst. No excessive screaming and carrying on. He turns his truck into a tool of destruction. He carries nothing more than a couple of paint cans and a baseball bat. He announces himself at each location. (The best one being after he smashes through the greenhouse with his truck. “This is Jim Kiler! If you wanna play come on out!”)

Only he’s not playing. Maybe the final destruction sequence is tame compared to anything nowadays, but don’t look at just what he does physically. Watch his expression. For crying out loud, if it weren’t for the fact that he doesn’t want anyone physically hurt during his rampage (thus his announcing himself and warning people away from windows before he throws patio furniture through it), he would have been bashing more than just car windows, grills and blowers!

This movie had several notable guest stars. Of note…

Thomas Leopold (Vance Chandler) is better known for his comedic writing, having worked with the likes of Steve Allen and Chevy Chase and penned scripts for shows such as Seinfeld and Cheers. He also has worked as an executive producer.

Nicholas Hammond (Ron Werner) would go on to play Spider Man in the 1977-1979 series The Amazing Spider Man. Nick also was one of the youngsters (Friedrich) in The Sound of Music.

Don Stark (Carl Dibble) is best recognized now as Bob Pinciotti of That 70’s Show. Also interesting to note he portrayed the character of Bill Maxwell in the 2009 fan film short of The Greatest American Hero. Outrage is listed as his first film credit on the IMDB.

Mark Lenard (Mr. Chandler) is best known for his work in the various Star Trekseries’, having played a Romulan, a Vulcan and Klingon. He also is one of the few (if not the only) actor to reprise a character who was not an original lead character across multiple Star Trek franchises. He voiced, though was not seen, as Sarek in the original Star Trek, then reprised the role in two Star Trek films and also appeared on The Next Generation.

Marlyn Mason (Muriel Kiler) appeared with Robert Culp in the I Spy episode “Weight of the World” and would co-star with him again in another made-for- tv movie The Last of the Good Guys in 1978.

Ramon Bieri (Deputy Tottif) is immediately recognizable as he appeared in well over a hundred television shows in the 70s and 80s often as a law man, politician or villain.

Emmy award winning actress Beah Richards (Thelma) appeared with Robert Culp in the I Spy episode “Cops and Robbers” as Scotty’s mother. She was nominated for an Oscar in 1968 for her role as Mrs. Prentice in the film Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner.

A search through the Google Archive turned up a couple of television programming notes around the time the movie originally aired.

Outrage is available on DVD through modcinema.com.