Tag: Robert Culp

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I Spy: So Long, Patrick Henry

Original airdate: September 15, 1965 (Premier)

“It is in vain, sir, to extenuate the matter. Gentlemen may cry, Peace, Peace — but there is no peace. The war is actually begun! The next gale that sweeps from the north will bring to our ears the clash of resounding arms! Our brethren are already in the field! Why stand we here idle? What is it that gentlemen wish? What would they have? Is life so dear, or peace so sweet, as to be purchased at the price of chains and slavery? Forbid it, Almighty God! I know not what course others may take; but as for me, give me liberty or give me death!” – Patrick Henry, US statesman 1736-1799

I watched this episode on YouTube back in 2008 just after finding “A Cup of Kindness.” Where I was hooked by “Kindess,” it was this episode that sufficiently reeled me in.

The episode opens with Scotty and Kelly watching film footage of Elroy Browne (Ivan Dixon), an American athlete and Olympian, who defected to China approximately a year earlier. The footage seems to indicate some disenchantment on the part of Browne and the US Government wants to open an invitation for Browne to return to the US. He’s not particularly wanted back but the gesture at least needs to be made.

Scotty spoke to Elroy the previous year, trying to persuade him not to defect but the message went nowhere. The incident left Scotty a little bitter, as Elroy said hardly anything during Scotty’s speechify and then departed saying, “So long, Patrick Henry.”

Although Scotty doesn’t care to have to go through it again, he accepts the assignment with Kelly.

In Hong Kong, Scotty and Kelly are waiting for Elroy, who is arriving to promote the African/Asian Games, a PR stunt dreamed up by the Red Chinese in order to further their influence on the African continent. Scotty hires a bellboy to keep an eye out for Elroy’s arrival. The kid – a big fan of James Bond – really gets into it, calling Kelly and Scotty “007” and offering to place a “small” tape recorder in the guest’s room. (Tape recorders were the size of a brick in 1965.) Kelly declines the offer and the spy-ese from the kid really irritates him. “I told him we’re spies,” Scotty explains casually. Before Kelly can really get upset Scotty adds, “…for the American Tennis Company.”

Down in the lobby of the hotel, Kelly and Scotty are waiting for Elroy to come in. When he does, Elroy recognizes Scotty. He even remembers their conversation, much to Scotty’s surprise. The fact he remembers the conversation is significant though, and the way he acts with his Chinese entourage seems to speak even further of his discontent. The only bright spot in Elroy’s life at the moment is the African Princess Amara (Cecile Tyson), whom he met in China where she’s attending the university in Peking, and has been traveling with him. They’re engaged to be married. Before parting, Elroy asks to meet with boys later, for drinks. He has a cocktail party to attend prior.

Later, they wait at the bar…but Elroy doesn’t show. The busboy reports that Elroy left the cocktail party an hour earlier and went to his room. A minute later, Elroy’s Chinese entourage arrives, en masse. The leader of the group offers apologies to Scotty and Kelly, explaining that Mr. Browne would not be able to join them. Scotty and Kelly realize, however, that the entourage doesn’t know where Elroy is either.

As Scotty and Kelly are about to leave the bar area, the busboy comes through again and hands a piece of paper to Scotty directing them to go out front and take a cab. When they get out there and hail a cab, they find Elroy and Amara in it and are invited to come along and paint the town.

From there, it’s a series of bar stops and various conversations. Elroy enjoys giving his “handlers” the slip. Eventually, they get to the crux of the whole thing and there’s a heated exchange between Elroy and Scotty. In the end though, it doesn’t seem like Elroy is disenchanted enough to want to return to the US. Afterall, he’s making a ton of money…

Despite his reluctance to return to the US, Elroy’s entourage figures that Kelly and Scotty are a bad influence and need to be neutralized. Although Kelly spots that they’re being bird dogged and he and Scotty try to make it appear as though the four have done nothing but traipse around Hong Kong and drink too much, it doesn’t help. Kelly and Scotty are nearly shot in a cab and they end up taking off on foot, being chased into the wee hours of the morning.

The chase ends up going across roof tops, with Kelly taking a spill at one point and being bodily picked up by Scotty. (In his commentaries on the DVD, Culp talks about being sick as a dog during the filming of some of the chase scenes and mentions how Cosby literally had to pick him up off the ground a couple of a times.)

From there, they end up in the shanty towns of the Hong Kong hillsides where the inhabitants watch the chase, having no idea what’s really going on. A group of them stand and stare openly at Scotty and Kelly as the two stop to take a breather. After Kelly grumbles about them being so obvious, Scotty turns it around and tells the folks that they’re filming a movie and that if they look around, they should see the bad guys coming. It works and gives Scotty and Kelly the advantage in knowing where the bad guys were coming in from and lets them get the drop on them.

Back at the hotel, Elroy is being held captive by his “handlers” and, unknown to Scotty and Kelly, he’s been injected with typhus. Amara, also sickened with typhus is being flown back to Peking. The announcement of the Afro-Asian Games will still be made, despite Elroy not delivering it. Elroy than finds out that the whole point of the games is for China to have greater influence in and over Africa. He’s been used for nothing more than a ploy.

Scotty and Kelly get a report from the busboy about Amara being taken away and about Elroy still being in his hotel room. With a little help from the busboy, Kelly and Scotty manage to overtake Elroy’s captors (with Kelly taking the window route – and nearly slipping off the ledge!)

Elroy offers Kelly the deal: Get Amara back and he would come back to the US. One better, he would go down to the conference and announce that whole thing was a total sham. Kelly takes off to stop the plane from leaving Hong Kong.

Kelly hurries to the airport and alerts the World Health Organization that a plane carrying typhus is attempting to take off. The radio tower attempts to order the plane to not take off but is ignored. Kelly runs out on to the runway, fights off a bad guy and then commandeers a baggage truck, which he drives directly into the path of the plane.

Kelly ends up with a broken arm for his efforts, but he gets Amara back and returns to the hotel as the Chinese agents are nabbed. At the conference, Kelly walks in to see Elroy at the podium telling everyone what was really going on. Scotty is in the broadcast booth, making sure the message is translated.

Their mission a success, the final scene shows Elroy and Amara speaking with the press as Scotty and Kelly look on. The busboy then comes up behind them and is ready to go. Kelly learns that Scotty promised to take the kid to a movie as reward. The movie?  “The Adventures of 007” (ie, Goldfinger. Cue up Shirley Bassey). Scotty adds that the film will be a great refresher course for Kelly.

Between this episode and the second, A Cup of Kindness, the tone of what would be I Spy is clearly set. The mix of drama and humor is well balanced and Culp’s script takes any ideas of campiness and tosses it immediately (the scene with the bellboy on the phone to Kelly offering to place his brick sized tape recorder in Browne’s room). The running joke through the episode, of course, is the bellboy’s infatuation with James Bond, but the episode itself makes it clear: This show is not James Bond.

The story itself borders on controversial (for the time). The basic concept of a man who sells out to the highest bidder and realizes that money doesn’t buy happiness isn’t new, but Culp’s twist puts a black man in that position. I Spy already had a strike against it when several NBC affiliates in the south refused to air the show because it featured a black man and a white man on equal footing. Culp’s script had to be even more insulting to those same affiliates.

Ivan Dixon plays Browne well and for having seen him only in Hogan’s Heroes, I found it refreshing to see him in a much more dramatic role.

Above all, the camaraderie between Scotty and Kelly is the greatest selling point of this show. If they had not been put on equal footing, 50/50, it never would have worked.

“So Long, Patrick Henry” is available on the first season DVD, available at Amazon.com.

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DVD Release: Great Scout and Cathouse Thursday

I’ve just learned that Great Scout And Cathouse Thursday is being released tomorrow, 3/29/11, through 20th Century Fox’s MGM Limited Edition Collection. The release is being done “MOD” (Manufacture on Demand) but unlike Warner Brothers, where you can buy directly from WB through their archive, you can order the Fox/MGM DVD through online retailers such as Amazon, MoviesUnlimited, ect.  (Disclosure: If you purchase through the provided link, I receive compensation. Click here for details.)

Yeehaa! Another DVD to add to the growing Culp Collection!

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Hannie Caulder

Originally released, November 8 1971 (UK), June 30, 1972 (US)

**Contains spoilers**

I mentioned previously that the moustache Robert Culp sports in the Columbo episode, “The Most Crucial Game” threw me for a bit of loop. More or less because it wasn’t fake as there’s footage of him from a game show appearance and a documentary from the same time period. So what was my thought of the Grizzly Adams-ish beard for Hannie Caulder?

What? That’s Robert Culp? Honest, when I first saw a photo of Culp from this movie I did not recognize him. Let’s pause and compare a moment here, shall we?

A mere two years or so separate the two roles, Bob in Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice, 1969 and Thomas Luther Price in our subject of this post, from 1971.  Seriously, if you didn’t already know who you were looking at, would you have known that the man on the left was the same man on the right?

Robert Culp plays bounty hunter Thomas Luther Price who comes upon Raquel Welch’s Hannie Caulder after Hannie has suffered rape and the murder of her husband by three outlaws (played by Ernest Borgnine, Jack Elam and Strother Martin). She wears nothing more than a blanket and carries a Winchester rifle which she points at Thomas when he inquires about wanting to get some water for himself and his horses. She says nothing to him and he figures either she doesn’t understand him or she’s just a wench. He’s about to wave her off, literally, and with the motion of his hand he grabs the rifle from her. He empties the chamber and hands the gun back to her – his first mistake. His second mistake is turning his back on her to walk away and she promptly whacks him on the back of the head with the butt of the Winchester.

Hannie goes over to his horse and notices the dead man being carried on the other horse. She realizes Thomas is a bounty hunter and that perhaps, he can help her. She remains by him, settling him against a saddle and covering him with a blanket and waits for him to regain consciousness.

Hannie has only one thing on her mind and that’s to find the three outlaws that killed her husband and raped her and kill them. Problem is, she doesn’t know how to shoot a gun. Curious of her own skill she sets up some old bottles on the fence and takes Thomas’s gun for some target practice.

She’s a terrible shot and she’s startled when the bottles and glasses start smashing off the fence suddenly. She turns to see it is Thomas. He asks for his gun back from her, which she gives him. He then back hand slaps her knocking her to the ground.

With the formalities now out of the way, more significant dialogue begins. Hannie wants to learn how to shoot a gun. Thomas figures her problem has something to do with her husband running off. It doesn’t, she tells him, but she doesn’t elaborate further. Thomas, not much interested in whatever problem Hannie has, declines helping her learn to shoot a gun. Even after she offers to “make it worth his while” and we’re not talking cash, he still says no. He finally gets the water he wanted for himself and his horses and he saddles up and rides off.

Hannie follows him on foot. At one point he pauses, offers her a hat and his canteen. The answer as to helping her shoot a gun, however, is still no.

Hannie’s persistent. When he stops to camp, she fixes and offers him a drink (I’m assuming it’s coffee). He still says no.

When she’s asleep, Thomas hears her cry out from her nightmare – reliving the awful rape. Knowing now what’s happened, he asks her simply how many there were. She tells him and also tells how they killed her husband as well. After hearing this, Thomas decides to help her. Before they ride off, he hands her a pair of pants to put on, since all she wears is a blanket.

They ride off, their destination Mexico. Before getting there, they stop in a town for Thomas to drop off his dead outlaw and collect his bounty money. He then gives Hannie some money to go buy some boots and pants for herself, as she’d need them with the long ride ahead of them while he went to the saloon for a while.

After getting herself some pants (which were too big and she had to take a bath with them on to shrink them up) and washing Thomas’s pants for him, Hannie heads over to the saloon. Thomas is playing poker with some guys and as soon as she speaks his name, one of the poker players tenses up. (No, there’s no formal introductions when ya sit down to a poker game in the Old West or so I learned from watching enough Maverick episodes).

Once the poker player figures out who Thomas is, there’s a tense moment at the table. Thomas still holds his playing cards in hand, the pants Hannie brought back are draped over his arm and he gently pushes Hannie back from the table. When the other poker player attempts to draw his gun, Thomas tips the table upward and shoots the other man down. The playing cards still in his hand, the pants still draped over his arm. The cards get thrown to the floor and the pants get tossed back to Hannie.

Having already dropped one dead man with a price on his head to the Sheriff earlier, Thomas carries the man he just killed over to the Sheriff to collect another bounty. Earlier, Hannie had talked to the Sheriff asking about the Clemmons brothers and the Sheriff had been a little fresh toward Hannie. Now seeing her with Thomas, who literally left the Sheriff shaking in his boots, the Sheriff’s attitude is all conciliatory.

Having done their part to clean up the town, Thomas and Hannie ride out to Mexico. On the way there, he tells her a little about the gunsmith they’re going to see.

In Mexico, Hannie meets Bailey who will craft a gun for her special. While Bailey is crafting the gun, Thomas has Hannie do some exercises to build up the strength in her hands and arms for handling the piece. There’s also a hesitant attraction budding between Thomas and Hannie which shows as Thomas watches Hannie playing with Bailey’s kids on the beach.

Finally, the gun is ready and Bailey presents it to Hannie. Immediately she learns rule number one: Don’t ever pull the trigger unless you’re aiming at something, even if the gun is empty.

And so begins the lessons to learn how to shoot. Thomas is a serious instructor, a reminder of the fact that what he’s teaching is Hannie is serious, life and death stuff. It is not to be taken lightly.

We have a break in the lessons for another tender moment, as the two walk along the beach. This is about as romantic as the movie allows, considering its subject matter. It’s also the only change of wardrobe for Hannie, other than what we see her in when she first appears on the screen. This is significant, as Hannie has suffered from a brutal act by a man (three men in her particular case) but appears willing to trust Thomas and still desires to feel like a woman. Earlier in the film, when Thomas and Bailey are talking about her, Thomas says that “she wants to be a man.” Bailey responds that she’ll never make it. Despite the revenge she seeks, she’s still a woman and taking Thomas by the hand, is the reminder of that.

The next scene is Hannie watching Thomas on the beach, goofing around with Bailey’s kids for a bit. The tranquil moment doesn’t last long, however, as a group of a Mexican bandits ride up to Bailey’s place. Thomas puts his gun belt on and tells the kids to scoot back to the house. He then makes his way carefully up the beach to the house and tells Hannie one word, “Winchester.”

While Bailey is talking to the leader of the pack, Hannie gets the Winchester rifle and Thomas takes up a position near one of the open doorways. Several bandits have spread out to surround the house. The situation doesn’t look good.

It’s not long before a shootout ensues. The Winchester ends up with Bailey and with Hannie and Thomas it helps even up the odds. But at one point when Hannie is face to face with one of the gun men she shoots to wound. When the gun man continues to approach her, likely to shoot, Thomas is yelling for her shoot again. But she can’t do it. Thomas shoots the man down and can only shake his head for Hannie.

After this, Hannie and Thomas take their leave and ride back into the US to track down the Clemmons brothers. They stop in a town and learn that the Clemmons were expected in town that day. At the hotel, Thomas tries to convince Hannie to give up the whole thing but she won’t. Or rather, she can’t, as she tells him. They have a falling out and Hannie hands Thomas his hat, telling him to leave, that she doesn’t need him anymore. Thomas tells her she’s a terrible liar and leaves the room. Hannie knows he’s right.

Outside of the hotel Thomas doesn’t get on his horse and just ride away. He hangs around, watching the town, drinking his liquor. He then sees the Clemmons brothers ride into town. Two of them head for the saloon while one, Frank, goes to the bathhouse.

With Frank’s wanted poster in hand, Thomas crosses the street and confronts Frank after he exits the bathhouse. Before he can walk Frank over to the Sheriff’s office, the other two brothers come out of the saloon up the street and see what’s going on. Frank turns to look which prompts Thomas to turn, gun in hand to fire at the two brothers at the saloon door. One of the brothers throws a knife at Thomas…and hits him directly in the abdomen.

Hannie witnesses the whole thing from the hotel window and rushes across the street to where Thomas has collapsed on the boardwalk. He’s still alive and asks Hannie to get him out of there. Some townsmen carry Thomas back to the hotel.

In the hotel room it’s only a matter of time. Thomas’s wound is fatal. She tells him that he was right, about her being a rotten liar. He says she’s rotten with a gun too. With his strength fading quickly, he warns her that they (the Clemmons) would kill her and asks her to promise him…something. He never finishes what he’s saying. The best guess is he was to ask her to promise not to get killed. Or he was going to ask her to promise not to go through the damn thing at all.

From this point, Hannie sets out to finish off the Clemmons brothers.  Up first is Frank, who Hannie finds over at the saloon, up stairs. He’s blown away out the window. Following him is Rufus, who catches her in a store in town and he in turn catches a couple of bullets from Hannie.

The final showdown between Hannie and Emmett happens at an old abandoned prison. She gets Emmett with a little help from the gunman who had crossed paths with Hannie a couple of times before in the film. The first is when he shows up at Bailey’s to have his gun repaired and then later, when Thomas and Hannie ride back from Mexico they pass the old prison, where the gunman apparently has been hiding out.

“Win or lose…you lose, Hannie Caulder.”

Culp’s Thomas Luther Price is an interesting character. A man with a distinct code of honor, one that doesn’t really advise on teaching a woman how to shoot a gun. And yet, knowing what happened to Hannie he can’t help but want to help her to find justice. He knows the path of revenge that she’s on she will never be the same afterwards. He tells her this, as a warning. But Hannie is too bent on the destruction of the Clemmons brothers to understand just exactly what Thomas means. Killing another human being involves a terrible change in psychology and thought process. A fine line that, once crossed, you don’t ever go back and act like it never happened. Hannie may find some satisfaction in taking the brothers down, but in the end, as Thomas tells her, she loses.

I think he tried to save her from this when he attempted to haul Frank in to the Sheriff’s office. He may have even figured to take all three men down himself but I’m not sure Hannie would have forgiven him for that. At least, not right away.

Culp’s attire in this film I also found interesting. The knee high moccasin leg wraps (I don’t know what else to call them as they’re not boots and they’re not chaps. They’re somewhere in between) added a unique look and the beard, of course, along with the glasses made him nearly unrecognizable.

Raquel Welch does a fine job as Hannie. I can’t help but find it amusing though that the promotional material for this movie show her much more scantily clad than we see in the film.

What I really wish I could find is a larger, clearer version of the photo below! I found this on a lark while searching for the above photos of Raquel. The only thing is, I think it’s a splice of two different photos of Culp and Welch, because she looks similar in stance as to the b&w photo of her above.

One final note here. Ernest Borgnine, Jack Elam and Strother Martin as the Clemmons brothers are three of the most disgusting, foulest, meanest, nastiest outlaws I’ve ever seen in a western. They’re also the stupidest as they blow several robbery attempts through the course of this movie. Strother Martin gets extra points for being obnoxiously whiny.  The best thing that could have happened to them was for Hannie to shoot them all down and take them out of their collective misery.

“Hannie Caulder” is available on DVD and as a digital download through Amazon.com.

 

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Get Smart – “Die Spy”

Here’s another one of those miscellaneous clips I found on YouTube back in 2008 that just fueled my growing interest in Robert Culp. This clip amused me to no end and I still get a good laugh from it when I go back and watch it. This particular episode of Get Smart was a spoof of I Spy and although Culp is not credited for this appearance, the scene is totally his.

So! Kind gentlemen and lovely ladies, it would please me to have you to watch this clip…

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TGAH: The Hit Car

Originally aired: March 25, 1981

In the early exploration of All Things Culp, I mined my way through YouTube. Back in 2008 there wasn’t a whole lot of stuff posted, a couple episodes of I Spy , one or two made for tv movies and various miscellaneous vids that I’ll cover in other posts. Amongst the miscellaneous stuff, however, was a vid that single handedly sold me on Bill Maxwell and The Greatest American Hero series. This vid is brilliant.

I was sold. I bought all three seasons in fairly short order.

I was especially sold on Culp’s Bill Maxwell, the calcified, old school Fed who freaked out and took off in the pilot after the visit with the “green guys” and the bequeathing of the suit to Ralph. He returned, however, out of a sense of duty and curious to see what the fuss was all about. By the end of the pilot, he was becoming quite comfortable with the idea of this supersuit and with this first regular season episode, he was ready to run the whole show, much to Ralph’s chagrin. Honestly, if the pilot for The Greatest American Hero didn’t sell you on watching this show, The Hit Car should have. This is by far my favorite episode.

So what’s the fuss all about? Read on…

Starlet Wilde has agreed to testify against Johnny “The Dancer” Diamante, the biggest “dope dealing slug” that FBI agent Bill Maxwell has been trying to nail for 15 years. After another Fed attempts to drive Starlet to LA from San Francisco and is shot in the process, Bill decides to go to San Francisco and bring her down himself – with help from Ralph and the suit.

Ralph, meanwhile, is trying to organize his class to do a Shakespeare play which will get them some credits for English Lit (which nobody seems to particularly care about). During the first meeting for the play, unfortunately, Bill shows up, tells Ralph they have a flight to San Francisco at 7 o’clock and it was go time.

Ralph, indignant, protests, saying he can’t just up and leave not without having to tend to some stuff first, like finding a babysitter for his son, Kevin. Bill solves that problem quick and asks for the next one. Pam tries to slip out but Bill doesn’t let her, telling her plainly, “You’re in this.” He then explains to both Ralph and Pam about his 15 years trying to nail Johnny Diamante and makes it clear. “We’re gonna get this guy, Ralph. Finally.”

Pam doesn’t care to be a “third string utility man” and Ralph’s not happy about Bill just barging in and taking things over. “Bill, you cannot going around changing people’s lives to suit yourself!” he says. “Sure I can,” Bill replies.

Despite neither of them liking the situation, there’s a grudging agreement to go along with Bill. Ralph asks Pam to take over the rehearsals for the play and Ralph and Bill head out…where Bill finds his hubcaps in the front seat of his car courtesy of Ralph’s students.

In San Francisco they arrive at the dumpy hotel room where Starlet is hiding. Starlet is pleasantly surprised to see Ralph – which annoys Bill.

Once inside her room, she tells Bill that she refuses to fly, citing some astro chart mumbo jumbo. There’s some lively discussion about driving versus flying, killers being on their tail and the stars predicting the future. Starlet also turns the charm on Ralph, which did I mention really annoys Bill? “Okay, boys and girls, over here please. Let’s put a dimmer on the goo goo eyes and try n’ hold a thought. We have killers after us in the immediate vicinity.”

Well Startlet doesn’t think there’s anybody outside the hotel room and she goes over and pulls back the curtain which suddenly shatters in gunfire. Bill pushes Starlet down to the floor and out of the line of fire and then hollers for Ralph to get out there and stop the gunmen.

Ralph sputters and mutters but does his thing, jumping through the bathroom window and flying across the way, only to crash into the penthouse across the street from the hotel. He manages to make his way out the suite, down the stairs and through the lobby all the while people are staring and snickering at him. He commandeers a trench coat on his way out.

Back at Starlet’s hotel room, Ralph knocks at the door. He gives Bill the bad news about not getting the hit guys and proceeds to confuse poor Ms. Starlet, who can’t figure out how Ralph ended up outside, when the last she knew, he was in the bathroom. Neither Ralph, nor Bill make any attempt to explain and Bill quickly changes the subject, they need to rethink their scenario as it’s obvious the hit guys are on to them.

Starlet still refuses to fly. In fact, so does Ralph.

Bill, sick of them both, gives in to having to drive back to LA.

During the drive, Starlet is impressed by Ralph’s intellect as he’s sitting there reading Shakespeare. Bill, in turn, is simply amazed by her lack thereof…

Having driven for a while, and hearing enough of Starlet prattle on confusing The Taming of the Shrew with Who’s Afraid of Virginia Wolfe? Bill decides they’re going to stop at an FBI safe house in Salinas for the night. Only Starlet refuses, telling him they can’t stop until Santa Barbara – her astro chart and all. She can’t sleep except by the water.

Bill’s livid. Not wanting to hear the arguing, Ralph makes a suggestion to Bill that Pam’s boss has a beach house in Santa Barbara. If Pam can borrow it, they can stop there. Starlet thinks it sounds wonderful. Bill’s irritated as all hell by this point but they stop and phone Pam.

Somehow, Pam manages to get use of the beach house (would have been interesting to have scene showing her trying to explain this to her boss) and is there waiting for the trio when they arrive. Bill praises her on getting the beach house but laments that there’s no food. There’s then some added animosity from Pam toward Starlet. A great cap off to an already wonderful evening.

The next morning they prepare to head out. Bill, starving by this point, is making due with stale dog biscuits that would “float in a tub of spit forever.” There’s a nice scene here between Bill and Pam where he at least acknowledges that Starlet’s been putting the moves on Ralph and tells Pam that she’s more than welcome to set the show girl straight, with what we today call a good bitch slapping. It’s hard to tell tho’ if Pam appreciates the gesture since it was presented in such a Neanderthal way.

While this is going on, Ralph’s in the bathroom, putting on his red jammies. He sees a holograph in the mirror of the two hit men outside the beach house. At the same time, Starlet’s pounding on the door to use the facilities. She eventually busts in, makes a little pass at Ralph who deflects it and heads out to tell Bill what he’s seen.

Bill gathers the troops and lays out the plan rapid fire. He takes no grief from either Pam or Ralph and tells them to do what he says. Pam sees that Starlet is down and away from the windows while Ralph does his thing with the suit. Bill, meanwhile, goes right out the front door – John Wayne style. He catches the attention of the hit guys and exchanges fire with them, taking a wound to his hand. Ralph gets the drop on the two hit men and tosses one head over heels in Bill’s direction. While Bill places that one under arrest, Ralph chases after the second hit man who tries to make his escape in another vehicle. Ralph catches him and Bill follows up to pick up the guy. By this point there’s sirens in the air and the heat is on. Bill tells Ralph to disappear, won’t let him take the car and can’t let him take the van. Ralph indignant once again, issues a warning to Bill that his patience is running pretty thin with this “partnership.” He then takes to the air and tries to fly, only to go dive bombing right into the ocean. The two hit men are completely stupefied by what they’ve witnessed. Bill advises them to forget what they saw but after their arrest they babble on and end up in a mental ward somewhere.

They make it to the courthouse in LA, but not without a new hit squad trying to nail Starlet. Bill takes a shot to the leg this time but Starlet is spared and is ushered inside where the grand jury is waiting. Bill calls the entire mission a success….until he finds out later from the District Attorney that Starlet took the 5th and refused to testify.

At this point, Ralph figures out there was a different scenario going on the whole time and he explains it to Bill. They weren’t trying to kill Starlet, they were trying to kill Bill. Bill doesn’t buy it at first until he thinks about for a minute and it makes sense.

As they drive away from the courthouse, Bill and Ralph both lament about their day of which neither one has much sympathy for the other. Bill then makes an excuse about stopping for some cigars and he pulls up to a little Italian restaurant where, inside, Johnny Diamante is complaining about his day too. “The only thing that’s worked out in the last 24 hours is this tuxedo,” Johnny says to his henchman, Mike, “and if I didn’t look so good in this thing I’d smack you right in the mouth!” If Johnny thought his day was going bad it got worse, when Bill comes walking in with a cheerful rendition of “The Gang’s All Here” and walks (limps) up to Johnny’s booth, pulling a gun.

A tense moment passes before Bill takes hold of Johnny’s plate of spaghetti and dumps in right on Johnny’s lap. He not only just dumps it, he pushes the plate right into Johnny’s gut and then lets it slide down to the floor.

Bill doesn’t stop there. He then takes Johnny’s glass of wine and carefully pours that into his lap too all the while seeing out of the corner of his eye as Mike tries to move for a gun and Bill simply tells him to freeze.

In parting, Bill asks for Johnny to say hello to all the pretty people at the Grammy’s…

Knowing full well he’s angered Johnny, Bill returns to the car and asks Ralph to drive. Johnny and Mike follow in a truck that has the Hit Car in it. Once again, the conversation between Ralph and Bill is a bit one sided with Ralph prattling on about how they need to communicate better if this partnership is going to work. All Bill is concerned with is that Johnny is following them.

They arrive at the school, which Bill figures will work good for his scenario – the place is supposed to be empty. Only it’s not. Ralph has a dress rehearsal scheduled which sends Bill into code red mode and he tells everyone to get down just as Johnny opens fire through the doorway from the Hit Car.

The shootout underway, Bill faces down the Hit Car (and runs from it) while Ralph struggles with the change of outfits. Finally, Ralph gets his act together and flies in under the Hit Car. He tips the Hit Car on its side effectively trapping Johnny and Mike.

Upon seeing Ralph, Johnny realizes his hit guys weren’t kidding when they said a “supah guy” broke up the hit. Bill gives Johnny the same advice he gave the hit men: You didn’t see any of this. It didn’t happen. Johnny has no problem with that.

For all his bluster about Ralph’s students and sometimes Ralph, Bill shows up at the opening night of the kids play. He tells Ralph that he wasn’t there as any show of support, however. He just likes Shakespeare….

…and to listen to the baseball game on his transistor radio.

Great interactions between the characters (and conflict), great plot twist and nice use of a 1966 Dodge Charger (I’m a car nut). The scene where Bill dumps the pasta on Johnny’s lap is classic. In fact, I loved this episode so much I played around with the footage and created a couple of “trailers” for the ep (kinda like a movie trailer). Here’s one of them…

The Greatest American Hero – Season One is available at Amazon.com, either as a download or you can purchase the DVD set.  You can also download the Hit Car episode itself through Amazon for about the price of a cup of coffee!

      

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